“TP Mummy”: Two rolls of toilet paper, one roll of tape, and one piece of shit costume. Flush quickly.

The “Too-Small” Corner Store Outfit: Nothing says “last minute” like an ill-fitting kids costume.

The Dollar-Store “Vampire”: The only thing that’s sucking this year is your costume.

The Dollar-Store “Vampire” II: Just take the teeth out and go as “unoriginal and overworked.”

The Ubiquitous “Devil” Horns: You think you can roll with Satan in that shit? N***a, please.

The Ubiquitous “Devil” Horns II: You’re going for “Hellboy”, but it comes off as “Fanboy.”

The “Fugly Drag Queen”: If you’re going to fag it up, don’t fag out. Get help from the pros.

The Old Superman “S” Costume: Where “S” stands for “Shitty.”

“Mustache” Man: Throwing shit on your face is for German sex clubs. This is Halloween, man. Try harder.

The “Karate Kid”: So, you took a few judo courses. … How about you dodge this throat punch.

“Private Douche”: Just because you can’t throw out your dead brother’s uniform doesn’t mean its counts as a costume when you wear it October 31.

“Zombie Girl”: Oh, I get it. You put some makeup on your face and now you’re a “zombie.” What do you call every other day of the week?

“The Graduate”: Nice recycled commencement robe. Where is the Virginia Tech killer when we need him?